Let There Be Light

I came home last night to an im from the BND alerting me that he'd finally gotten around to responding to my email. This cheered me up a bit, as I'd been experiencing quite a bit of loneliness. I scanned the email quickly at first and then went over it again more carefully. And hold on a minute, what's that line....

"I miss things about the floor too, and things that i wouldn't have even expected to as much and i feel like i might have missed something i should have pusued and it would have been so easy to do so (and no, you do not know anything that i am refferring to there). "

1. I can't even imagine that he could think I wouldn't take it that way.
2. Boy knows I'm an English major. Proofreading would be nice.

I replied with a, "wtf, mate?" and got:

"And when I wrote that I was just thinking and writing and then once it was written I realized it may have been misleading so I cleared it up a little, but bot enough that you would know what I was talking about."

So here are the options I'm thinking of:

1. This was an admission gone awry and the parenthetical part was an attempt at sarcasm. (not very likely)
2. He was simply trying to get a reaction out of me. Jerk. (perhaps a bit more likely?)
3. He really was just being careless and insensitive. (most likely)

If option 3 really is the truth, that leaves me wondering just to what exactly he was referring. I have racked my brains and really do not know. It's probably some sort of robotics shit or some such.

I hated myself for the little jolt of golden hope that coursed through my veins upon reading those words in the first email. I am supposed to be getting over this, right? And the BND, knowing this, would be careless enough to say something like that? He had to have known how that would affect me. It's just cruel, really.

While I was reading that first email last night, the bulb popped out suddenly in the only lamp that was lit. I was plunged into semi-darkness, with only the glow from my inbox. I sighed, got up and took the bulb out and navigated my way through the dark to the kitchen. I flicked on the kitchen switch and looked at the bulb curiously. It looked unfamiliar, a different brand than I buy. And then I remembered. He gave me this bulb at school the last time I was plunged into sudden darkness.

Then, today, I was at the store when his favorite song came on over the radio.

Can you really get over something that didn't ever amount to anything?