Mope and Circumstance

I got to thinking today... so often I blame other people, when the one I really want to have it out with is the face in the mirror. For example, when I get a grade below the one I think I deserve, my first instinct is to blame my shoddy TA. In all actuality, my grade can usually be attributed to the fact that I was up until 2 the night before and printed off whatever shit I managed to generate without a second look.

Here's another example: after months of listening to the guy complain about how much his ex fucked him over, I get mad at him every time he defends having dated her. Really, I'm mad at myself for caring. And I'm mad at myself for feeling hurt about a choice he made before we even met.

I can't change circumstances, I can only change how I feel about them. It stings every time I think about the fact that he made it work with her (even though she ended up making him miserable), and the fact he can't be bothered to make it work with me (even though I ostensibly make him happy).

Maybe I just have a hard time understanding other people's baggage. I mean... I barely have a carry-on, much less the full set that most people are dragging around by now. But all I know is that I can't let other people's baggage weigh me down. And I can't get mad at them because they're having trouble with the Samsonite.

So here's another resolution (that I will most likely break shortly after clicking 'publish post'): Next time I feel like lashing out at an innocent (or even not-so-innocent) bystander, I will stop (collaborate and listen!), and examine why I'm really upset with myself instead.

And after all, fights end a lot quicker when it's just me. I'm not very good at arguing.